The Random Days of Vampires, Wolfs and Humans
by hot 101
Summary: Just a series of random one-shots that are NOT ment to be taken seriously.If you don't laugh, that's OK.But if you do laugh....well, that's pretty OK to :
1. Make it Quick

Disclaimer--Not mine.

A/N FIRST OF ALL I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT THIS SERIES OF ONE-SHOTS ARE NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.I LOVE ALL THE CHARACTERS JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO AND SOMETIMES JUST LIKE TO POKE FUN AT THEM.

That being said, I hope you enjoy my randomly-random series of one-shots staring any/or all Vampires, humans or Wolfs that I may one day wake up and decide to mess with!;).

* * *

"Just do it already!" Bella yelled.

"I don't want to hurt you!" Edward yelled back.

"It'll only hurt for a second , just hurry!" Bella exclaimed.

Edward was always a sucker for the word 'please' coming from Bella's lips, so he did as she asked .

"Oww! Do it fast! The slower you go the more it will hurt!" Bella exclaimed.

Edward locked eyes with her's, "On the count of three?"

"On the count of three." She agreed.

Edward positioned himself."One."

Bella nodded in reassurance.

He swiped the hair back from her neck and leaned in close."Two."

Bella shivered both from the proximity of his body, and the unfortunate pain his next move would cause.

"Three." Edward breathed a second before a ripping noise filled the air.

"HOLEY SH--"

.

.

.

.

--A bunch of....colorful, words later--

"Better now, love?" Edward asked.

Bella sniffled, "A little bit."

Edward smoothed her hair back from her sweaty forehead, "My poor baby, that Hello Kitty band-aid was really stuck on that shoulder of yours, wasn't it?" Edward cooed, trying to make her feel better.

Bella grimaced, "Yeah, damn thins make you want to buy them with their cute faces and bright colors, then you stick them on and BAM! They take off twelve layers of skin when you pull them off!"

"Damn things." Edward agreed, nodding his head.

There was a moment of silence, then--

"How did you scrap your shoulder way up there anyway?" Edward inquired, running a thumb softly over the jagged edges of the before mentioned scrap.

Bella turned her head slowly in Edward's direction and placed a hand on his shoulder, a horror struck look covering her face, "Some things, Edward, even vampires can't handle."

.

.

.

.

In the end, Edward ended up finding out the 'how' of Bella's scrap because, well, he's Edward freaking Cullen of course and, psshh, he finds out everything.

Bella learned her lesson about pretty band-aids and, realising she would more then likely hurt herself within the next eight minutes, went out immediately and bought paper tape for her sensitive skin.

And Alice, sitting in a changing room somewhere in Eastren Europe, is still laughing her ass off about the whole thing.

EXPLANATION --The rest of the Cullen clan were other wise ~~cough cough~~ 'occuiped' during the events happening above--.

* * *

A/N Well....there you go! The first of, maybe, many more in The Random Days of Vampires, Wolfs and Humans!

Who's random day would YOU like to read about next?

Review and I'll send a Cullen boy, wolf boy or human boy of your chosing over to give you a thank you hug! Just tell me who you would prefer! ;)


	2. Sneaky Little Pixie

Hey guys, just another little one-shot.

I find Alice to be a very fun character to play with, so expect more from her!

Enjoy!

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One day after school, Bella was over at the Cullen's when a sound like feet scoffing on tile floor brought her attention up form the refrigerator she'd currently been digging through.

When she looked up and spotted Alice, the tiny girl immediately plopped down into the nearest chair, rested her chin in her hand that was resting on her knee and let out a deep sigh.

Concerned for her usually bubbly friend, Bella shut the refrigerator door and walked to stand in front of the sullen Alice.

"What's the matter, Alice?"

Alice lifted her shoulders in a tiny shrug, "Nothing."

Not liking this knew, introverted Alice, Bella prodded, "Really, Alice, whats the matter?"

"Really, Bella, go back to whatever you were doing." She sighed and blinked quickly, like she was fighting off tears.

Bella knew that wasn't the case, considering vampires couldn't produce tears, but the action still pulled at Bella's heart so she nilt down on the floor, took Alice's free hand and said the only words Bella knew to say at that point, "Would you like to go shopping?"

Alice sniffled and looked up, eyes widening with hope, "Really?"

"Yes."

"You would do that for me?"

Again, Bella answered, "Yes."

Alice brought a shaky hand up and covered her mouth, "And you'll let me buy you knew shoes?"

Bella blanched but caught one look of Alice's face and readily agreed.

"And a knew dress?"

"I....guess."

"And a knew top?"

"OK."

"And knew jeans? Because, honey, those jeans your wearing right now shouldn't even be allowed in a goodwill store."

Bella's head snapped up at the sudden change in her best friends attitude and she cocked her head to the side, furrowing her brows.

Alice seemed to catch herself and she slumped forward, regaining her pitiful, puppy in the rain expression, "Please, Bella? It would make me feel better?"

Bella closed her eyes and nibbled her lip, considering.

"Fine." She finally concluded, standing up."I'll go wait in the car."

When Bella was out of the room, a very cheerful Alice jumped to her feet and did a little turn, grinning widely.

"Works every time."

* * *

Who's random day would YOU like to read about next?

Review and I'll send a Cullen boy, wolf boy or human boy of your choosing over to give you a thank you hug! Just tell me who you would prefer! ;)


	3. Fake Accents, Ye Kin?

**A/N—This one was purely for fun, so no one take it seriously, m'k? Great :) Enjoy!!**

"I challenge ye to a duel!" Emmett announced.

Jasper quirked a brow. "A duel?"

"Aye!" Emmett replied.

"Aye?" Jasper questioned.

Emmett huffed "Quit repeaten' me last words lad, yer driven' me bloody mad!"

At last, Jasper sat down his book and uttered words that hadn't already been spoken "What's with the accent?"

Emmett walked from behind the couch and came completely in view of Jasper, who upon seeing his attire, reached for a glass of water that just so happened to be sitting on the table in front of him, took a large gulp, and spewed it out all over the place.

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he spluttered "Good God, man! Why are you wearing a skirt?! And is that a-a....is that a purse you've got there?!"

Emmett glared with indignation "Its called a kilt, lad. And tis no' a purse, tis a sporran!"

Jasper was still gawking "Bu-but that _kilt_ barley covers half your thighs!"

Emmett had the good graces to look embarrassed and muttered something under his breath.

"What was that?" Jasper asked, trying not to stare at the pink and blue mini ski--he meant kilt, Emmett had on.

"'Twas the closest I could find. At least it covers the goods." Emmett grinned, spinning full circle.

And for the first time Jasper saw the butter knife strapped onto Emmett's back, held on by duct tape.

That wasn't the only thing the duct tape was holding on.

Emmett's kilt was slit down the back and only wrapped half way around him. Covering the front, but the back....not so much.

Jasper had never seen so much tape in his long life.

"Well, no' all the goods. But really, I'm doing everyone a favor; this is one fine piece of ass." Emmett winked over his shoulder and slapped a hand on his duct tape clad rear.

If a person could die, a second time in his case, from laughing so hard, Jasper would have.

Emmett turned back toward a now floor sprawled Jasper, muttered "Foolish American's", adjusted his Louis Vuitton sporran and marched out the door.

A few minuets later Jasper picked himself up from the floor, still laughing a bit, and went in search of Alice. He wasn't looking forward to telling her she had to go buy new clothes and such. Again.

**Hmm, I tried to talk Emmett out of this one, I really did. But the boy saw that skirt and couldn't help himself….;) **


End file.
